CRAZY SOBER THINGS I’VE SAID TO MY PARTNER IN THE PAST 24 DAYS

My poor partner has been getting an earful since I stopped drinking. I’m certain I sometimes sound crazy but that’s okay and he understands. I think.

  • Turned on an episode of GIRLS and I said, “Oh my God! I totally remember what happened last time!!!!”
  •  “Wow. Sunlight is so bright. Has it always been this bright?”
  • “I love flowers. They’re so pretty. Don’t you think flowers are pretty?”
  • “I was looking at a picture of the dog today at work and I cried a lot.”
  • “Wow, I poop at the same time every single day now! It’s amazing!”
  • “Life is all about living, you know? Like you have to live your life or you aren’t really living your life.”
  • While reading a book, I said, “It’s so weird. I can’t believe this. I’m reading a book right now.”
  • “So I’m sitting next to you right now. Back when I was drunk, did it feel like I was sitting next to you when I was sitting next to you? Do you know what I mean? Because I wasn’t sitting next to you. At all.”
  • “Look at my eyes. The white parts are sooo white, right?”
  • “I can’t go to the graduation party because too many people will be talking to me about too many things.”
  • “I feel like gravity isn’t pulling me down as hard when I walk!”
  • While at a restaurant I said, “Look at that couple eating and they only have glasses of water. So cool.”
  • “It’s pretty great to wake up knowing that I didn’t tell someone, ‘FUCK YOU’ last night.”
  • “I always know where my phone is. It’s so amazing.”
  • “Ew. No. This cranberry juice tastes like vodka. I can’t.” (It was just cranberry juice)
  • “Honey, look at me! I’m cooking dinner but I’m not drinking!!”
  • “Do you ever drink water and think, ‘Wow, water is soooo good for my body’?”
  • “I feel so normal right now! I can’t believe it.”
  • “I need ME back! ME is gone! ME is lost! ME is disappeared somewhere and I don’t know where! How did I lose MEEE?? I just want MEEEEE.” (said while ugly crying in his arms)
  • “I’m a soby soby soby soby soby sober daddy! Daddy is sober sober sober! You have sober daddy! Yeah yeah yeah.” (Or something to this effect that I sang to my dog while dancing around like I had the DT’s)
  • “Jesus drank wine. But obviously he didn’t have a problem. I mean, I know for a fact that I would never have been able to walk on water back when I was drunk.”
  • “I mean, I’m an alcoholic, sure. But it’s more like an Ann Richards alcoholism. Not the David Hasselhoff or Lindsay Lohan kind. I mean, I’m not the kind of asshole that eats hamburgers off the floor. But I could be I guess.”

26 comments

  1. Just finished reading all of your posts…
    welcome!
    welcome back to your sobriety….lots of folks here to support you.
    Love this post, had me laughing right out loud. I find a sense of humor has been my biggest asset in sobriety, that and helping others.
    Writing your blog and telling your experiences will definitely add the helping others piece in.

    Keep it up..just for today! Congrats!

  2. I love this! No filters! I’ve had so many of those same thoughts but would never say them out loud — my husband would think I had lost my mind. Your partner must be a real gem. Thanks for letting me see this world we’re both discovering through your humorous lens.

  3. Ha ha hilarious..! Love it. Especially the dancing around with the dog bit.. and the poo bit.. and the Girls bit.. and the whites of the eyes bit.. and the .. oh dammit just all of it. Great to ‘meet’ you and look forward to following along xxx

  4. This is freaking hilarious. Your blog has become my new favorite and I have noticed myself stalking it for new posts. Please forgive. The stalking I mean ;).

    Traci

  5. These are all funny, but the ME one really got me (no pun intended). I feel just like that. I want MEEE back too!

  6. Excellent list. Pooping regularly is so important to me. That’s the first time I’ve said that on the interwebz. Freedom!

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