If you are alone with a complete stranger in an elevator, there are tons of really fun things you can do on the 34 floor trip up to your office!
- You can grab your stomach and turn to the person next to you and say, “OMG, I had the WORST Indian food last night.”
- You can look at them and say, “Do you ever get the sudden urge to hit someone really hard in the face?”
- You can turn to them sincerely as if you know them well even though you don’t and say, “I really think we need to talk, Sarah.” And if you are REALLY lucky, her name will actually be Sarah and her reaction will be amazing.
- You can try to start up a conga line with them around the perimeter of the elevator -or-
- You can try to start up the electric slide and if they don’t join in, just scream, “COME ON! IT’S ELECTRIC!”
- You can ask them if they mind taking a look at the thing you found on your skin while in the shower this morning.
- When the doors close and the elevator starts to climb, you can look them in the eyes, put your hands in the air like you’re on a rollercoaster and go, “WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”
- As you begin to ascend, you can pull out a map of Manhattan and ask them if this is The Empire State building.
- Since elevator music doesn’t actually exist inside of elevators, you can start humming The Girl from Ipanema while serving up some very minor and nearly undetectable shoulder action.
OR OR OR OR OR… you could do what I just did!
- You could be listening to an episode of The Bubble Hour on your phone about what it’s like to be a raging scary alcoholic and not realize that your head phone jack is out of the hole just enough so that the sound is still coming through to your ears but is ALSO being amplified full volume out of the speakers on your phone. I was wondering why her face looked like she was smelling gross dog fart!
Have a lovely and sober day. XOXO