YOU’VE GOT HATE MAIL

Oooooh, girl. Someone threw me major shade last night while I slept peacefully in my bed.

One of the biggest gifts that I have received in sobriety thus far is the markedly reduced amount of drama I seem to find myself in. Back when I was heavily drinking, everything was utter chaos. My relationships were crumbling and I always seemed to be in some sort of heated and nonsensical argument with SOMEONE about SOMETHING. But since putting down the drink, I’ve been amazed at the amount of love and support I find myself enveloped in. It’s really incredible. Which is why it was so jarring to wake up to the following comments awaiting moderation:

Six year? … just around the corner hangover! I think it’s sooo great how you can censor any little bit of honesty that somebody might write about you on your precious (doomed to be abandoned blog) It must be nice to surround yourself with pathetic minions, even if it’s only like 7 of them. Keep up the good work pussy bottom, you’ll be going down quicker than…well I guess, like you did as a drunk. XOXO, Fuck Off, Bane

And then…

Pathetic Hag… God you’re not even good at pretending like you could care less about notoriety. Like, Really? Only a self-absorbed drunk (as they usually are) would whore herself out to gain some attention. Sad, little girl. Guess Daddy didn’t give her enough pats on the back and Mommy was a little too domineering, just saying. Oh well, atleast now she’ll get some attention from someone..anyone who is sadder than her to care. Night Night, Princess.

Obviously comments from the same person or they engaged the services of one of their friends to write something about me. Not sure what motivated the sudden gender flip but I suppose that is a minor detail.

Whoever this person is initially became upset with me because a.) I hadn’t posted in a while b.) I hadn’t replied to comments and c.) I told you all about my blog post being picked up by TheFix.com. I know because THEY TOLD ME in a previous comment the day before. A comment that I ignored because it was condescending, disrespectful, and complete garbage. So I chose to avoid further interaction with this person and simply deleted it.

I had two options this morning. The first would be to simply decline the comments on the blog and move on and write the post that I initially had planned: Thinking Through the Drink. Or I could address this little blip publicly.

I’ve become a firm believer in shining some motherfucking light on the darkness so I guess that’s what I’m doing here. Up to this point, this blog has been nothing but a joy. It makes me so happy to be interacting with people who understand what it is I’m going through and vice versa. And because I’ve become so protective of this amazing little space we have here to share, commiserate, and lift each other up, I just had to take a moment to acknowledge this small cancer that has crept up. Especially since I noticed the culprit attempting to respond to some of your comments with these same passages.

I’m not going to bash whoever this person is as I have no idea what they might be going through. I myself have penned nasty messages such as these during my active drinking days. Usually I was very drunk and didn’t recall what had set me off or why I thought such vitriol was the solution to any problem, imagined or otherwise. Granted, they weren’t to complete strangers. Even worse, they were to people I was supposed to love and care for. There are amends to be made on my part and I’m in that process now.

I’m not saying that this person is actively drinking. But I can with some confidence say that there is something awful going on in their life that would create a situation where they feel justified spending their time and energy writing and sending something so disgusting to a person they don’t even know. It’s really a shame and I mean it with my whole being when I say that I genuinely hope that they are relieved of whatever it is that is causing them to behave this way.

So, that’s all. It happened. I acknowledge it. And now away it goes. Grateful for this experience because I was able to catch a glimpse of the me that I could become if I don’t do the work to keep myself sober. If I take a drink, I’ll be sending messages like the ones above in no time. Guaranteed.

27 comments

  1. Kudos for putting a positive spin on it. This blog is amazing but opinions are like a$$holes…everyone’s got one and they usually stink! haha! There is so much less drama in sobriety. These commenters are likely angry at things having nothing to do with you. Or maybe they’re drinkers in denial…haters gonna hate. You’re a sober rock star and this blog is fantastic! XOXO

  2. I’ve enjoyed your blog so much! It is so fun and inspiring! Sometime I read it aloud to my best friend while she’s at work to brighten up her day. So much of what you say is exactly what I need at that moment. I can’t even begin to understand the hater..so not going to try. Take care!!

  3. You know what, this is your journey and you get to traverse it however you see fit. Post about your teeth. Every post doesn’t have to be nitty gritty shame owning. Be excited when your posts are shared around the web. People get excited if they make the papers, right? It’s a big deal! You keep on telling your story, this minion is enjoying it.

  4. Wow, John. That sucks. Have you ever read Brene Brown’s “Daring Greatly” book? Her whole intro is based on this kind of phenomena. Putting yourself out there, connecting with others with your truth helps you and it helps others. I know you know that truth. I know you feel it to the core. But, by doing that you expose yourself to this kind of unprovoked, undeserved attack. Her book title comes from these wise words spoken by Theodore Roosevelt:

    It’s not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or when the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions and spends himself in a worth cause; who at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement; and who at the worst if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory or defeat.

    ~~~~
    I love you and you help me everyday.
    Thank you for daring greatly.

  5. John – I agree with Kelly and I love her quote from Theodore Roosevelt. I appreciate that you put yourself out there. Thank you for helping me with your posts. And thank you for starting the gratitude group!

  6. Love the blog, keep right on writing! Sorry you were at the receiving end of this bullshit… there are some very sad souls out there. There are far more of us who are on your side, so I just wanted to count myself among them, out loud so to speak 🙂 xx

  7. I also need to comment that YOUR BLOG along with other sober blogs are HELPING ME!! Yes those are caps, because I really MEAN IT!! I still haven’t mustered my own blog yet but I sure as hell need to keep supporting yours and others. You’re hilarious, brave, fierce and legit! Thanks for your blog, John!! XO

  8. I love your blog, John! Since the first day I stumbled upon it I have been coming back to it everyday! And I agree you are hilarious and brave!

  9. Pfff, some people just don’t like to see others succeed, do well, or even grow. Sounds a little like a drunk post to me, I’m not judging or anything. Keep it up!
    Be well,

  10. OMG there are always gonna be haters out there just go “Bing bing bing” that was me zapping away your negativity because there is no room for it in my sober life”. That was much politer than my first reaction. You rock and are helping so many through your honest blog and I thank you for the part you are playing in my journey.

  11. You are not going to bash this person? Ok, move over….I’ll do it. What an insensitive, obviously lacking-in-confidence this juvenile is. Don’t give him/her a second thought. I(and obviously many others) love your blog and look forward to reading your posts. Keep on……you have many, many fans.

  12. I can’t see the point of writing such derogatory comments. I love reading your blog, it makes me laugh and empathise and it inspires me in my own sobriety.

    It takes balls of steel to be as honest as you are, I’m not brave enough and perhaps that’s why it’s ruffled some feathers. Massive respect for handling it like a gent.

  13. I read “The Fix” regularly and was so stoked to come across your piece there! You’ve taken the right stance on the haters; may they be peaceful, happy and free. 🙂

  14. I just wanna say, I love you and your blog! do you really owe your readers (me) anything? probably not. keep on doing what helps you! what helps you helps me. I think. so far. hehehe.
    xoxo em

  15. This very same thing happened to a friend of mine yesterday. Some random person made an Instagram account up using her sn but adding ****you to the end. Then proceeded to bash her on about 40 of her photos. Saying such harsh things like I’m glad you miscarried. I don’t understand people these days. And I don’t know why I let horrible people get under my skin. I guess I feel like if you’re going to say something hateful then do it but don’t hide behind a blog or an anonymous sn if you’re so tough then own it. More power to you for giving this person the benefit of a doubt bc I’d instantly be enraged!

  16. babes…(do u mind if i call u babes?! ha ha) haters gon hate! as someone wisely said…..if u cant be yourself…..be beyonce. beyonce always wins 😉 and if you hate beyonce and her f you attitude……then i cant help you because beyonce always wins 🙂 xxxx

  17. Goodness, that escalated quickly. I imagine the gender flip is because most of the sober blogs are written by women, and the sort of person who writes shit like that is also the sort of person who hates women, and the two things got conflated. Maybe?

    Anyway. You keep doing you.

  18. Don’t feed the trolls John. Ignore them and hopefully they’ll go away. It is a very supportive community here and we’re happy you’re a part of it. Leave people like that to their own miseries…

  19. The person is expressing his/her terrible childhood. The lack of empathy and respect can only be early childhood disfunction that hasn’t been dealt with. Hopefully they will find a way to deal with it. Eventually it will take them down, as we all personally know. Your kicking ass. Plow forward as you are. You have a lot of us on your side. Keep it up!

  20. Oooo honey… They threw out “pussy bottom”!!! Damn right someone’s got to have some negative shit going on with them to go there! Sucks to be them 😜

  21. Well; sad for him/her/them that they are so miserable that they have to spout venom to make themselves feel better.

  22. I agree with Kelly and loved the quote. Forget the haters – let them hate. Keep spreading the love, John. Oh, and I counted more than 7 followers here, none of which are “pathetic minions” …..just sayin.

  23. This person is obviously miserable. Misery wants company! This always seems to occur in a beautiful space…workplace, AA, families, groups of friends…there is one bad apple that tries to pop up to spoil the bunch. They are hurting and because they are sick, it pains them to see you flourish. It’s hard not to get affected by the putrid smell they emit, but you just have to toss them to the side and continue your glorious life. I feel for that person. Nobody that is a place of peace and love would write that. Kudos to you for being the bigger person and know that your blog has been a lifeline to me. I’m praying for that cat too 🙂

  24. The first thing I’d like to say to this heckler is, “Fuck off and quit beating up my friend.” The 2nd thing I’d like to say to this jackass is, “I feel really bad for you. I have no idea what happened to you to make you send mean messages to someone who is CLEARLY trying to clean up his life, but perhaps it’s time to take a look inward.” And as for you, John, you know this is bullshit right? You don’t deserve this, but I’m glad you can stand tall and let these comments blow away in the wind. They are just hot air.

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