Oooooh, girl. Someone threw me major shade last night while I slept peacefully in my bed.
One of the biggest gifts that I have received in sobriety thus far is the markedly reduced amount of drama I seem to find myself in. Back when I was heavily drinking, everything was utter chaos. My relationships were crumbling and I always seemed to be in some sort of heated and nonsensical argument with SOMEONE about SOMETHING. But since putting down the drink, I’ve been amazed at the amount of love and support I find myself enveloped in. It’s really incredible. Which is why it was so jarring to wake up to the following comments awaiting moderation:
Six year? … just around the corner hangover! I think it’s sooo great how you can censor any little bit of honesty that somebody might write about you on your precious (doomed to be abandoned blog) It must be nice to surround yourself with pathetic minions, even if it’s only like 7 of them. Keep up the good work pussy bottom, you’ll be going down quicker than…well I guess, like you did as a drunk. XOXO, Fuck Off, Bane
Pathetic Hag… God you’re not even good at pretending like you could care less about notoriety. Like, Really? Only a self-absorbed drunk (as they usually are) would whore herself out to gain some attention. Sad, little girl. Guess Daddy didn’t give her enough pats on the back and Mommy was a little too domineering, just saying. Oh well, atleast now she’ll get some attention from someone..anyone who is sadder than her to care. Night Night, Princess.
Obviously comments from the same person or they engaged the services of one of their friends to write something about me. Not sure what motivated the sudden gender flip but I suppose that is a minor detail.
Whoever this person is initially became upset with me because a.) I hadn’t posted in a while b.) I hadn’t replied to comments and c.) I told you all about my blog post being picked up by TheFix.com. I know because THEY TOLD ME in a previous comment the day before. A comment that I ignored because it was condescending, disrespectful, and complete garbage. So I chose to avoid further interaction with this person and simply deleted it.
I had two options this morning. The first would be to simply decline the comments on the blog and move on and write the post that I initially had planned: Thinking Through the Drink. Or I could address this little blip publicly.
I’ve become a firm believer in shining some motherfucking light on the darkness so I guess that’s what I’m doing here. Up to this point, this blog has been nothing but a joy. It makes me so happy to be interacting with people who understand what it is I’m going through and vice versa. And because I’ve become so protective of this amazing little space we have here to share, commiserate, and lift each other up, I just had to take a moment to acknowledge this small cancer that has crept up. Especially since I noticed the culprit attempting to respond to some of your comments with these same passages.
I’m not going to bash whoever this person is as I have no idea what they might be going through. I myself have penned nasty messages such as these during my active drinking days. Usually I was very drunk and didn’t recall what had set me off or why I thought such vitriol was the solution to any problem, imagined or otherwise. Granted, they weren’t to complete strangers. Even worse, they were to people I was supposed to love and care for. There are amends to be made on my part and I’m in that process now.
I’m not saying that this person is actively drinking. But I can with some confidence say that there is something awful going on in their life that would create a situation where they feel justified spending their time and energy writing and sending something so disgusting to a person they don’t even know. It’s really a shame and I mean it with my whole being when I say that I genuinely hope that they are relieved of whatever it is that is causing them to behave this way.
So, that’s all. It happened. I acknowledge it. And now away it goes. Grateful for this experience because I was able to catch a glimpse of the me that I could become if I don’t do the work to keep myself sober. If I take a drink, I’ll be sending messages like the ones above in no time. Guaranteed.