I posted this in my online support group (The BFB) this morning after being overcome with hope and joy on the way to work. No jokes or funny business in this post. Just wanted to share it here in case you needed to read words like these today. Much love, my little butterbutts. XO
With 120 days just a few days away, I wanted to check in here. This morning on the way to work I just burst into tears. Not because anything was wrong, but because everything was right. I felt alive, present, grateful, amazed by my surroundings, appreciative of the people I have in my life, and blown away by how good life is becoming despite its obvious flaws and speed bumps. THIS is life. THIS is joy. And I don’t ever want to lose this feeling again.
DO NOT call it a pink cloud and tell me it won’t last and to gird my loins. This is something deeper than a momentary euphoric sense of serenity (I’ve had those, too). This is a shift in understanding. This is knowing that even on my worst days, I have so much to embrace and be grateful for and that I can choose to acknowledge that gratitude, tell others about it, and let it grow until it completely snuffs out whatever negativity my alcoholic brain is trying to grow.
Stopping in moments of grief, pain, and anxiety and SPEAKING YOUR GRATITUDE to others, to yourself, or to your higher power (if you do that sort of thing), is a real and tangible strategy at overcoming the shitty times. Instead of marinating in what is wrong, I take deep breaths and FORCEFULLY make myself sit still and stew in what is RIGHT. For as long as it takes to feel better. It’s not just conceptual and idealistic. It’s real and it works for me. I’m hoping it might work for you if you try.
Grateful for my gratitude group and for all of you guys, too. If you don’t have this feeling yet, please trust me and know that you CAN. You will. This sense of authenticity and joy was not fathomable to me 4 months ago. It was beyond my realm of comprehension. And somehow it’s here. The miracle has happened.